I own a shirt that says “BE KIND” on the front, and on the back it says, “EVERYONE YOU MEET IS FIGHTING A BATTLE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.” I actually own six different shirts from Til Valhalla Project, but this is the one people always react to.
I didn’t buy it because I consider myself especially enlightened or unusually patient. I bought it mostly as a joke and started wearing it when I fly, because airports have a way of testing whatever emotional maturity you think you possess. Delays, crowds, cancellations, loud phone calls, and people standing in walkways with zero spatial awareness are not exactly recipes for calm, so the shirt started as a reminder, mostly to myself.
The first day I wore it, someone stopped me and said, “Great message,” and I thanked them and told them it was really for me, because while patience is considered a virtue, it has never been one of my virtues.
What surprised me was what happened next, because every time I wear that shirt, someone notices it. People smile, give a thumbs up, or read the back and take the time to tell me how much it means to them. I have even had people in security lines tap my shoulder just to say they appreciated the message, and that is when it stopped feeling like an inside joke and started carrying real meaning.
It reminded me how much people carry every day, and in a way it took me back to lessons I learned long before I ever owned that shirt. My grandfather, “the Captain,” had a way of delivering wisdom without sounding like he was trying to be wise, and he had two sayings he repeated often.
“If everyone threw their problems in a pile,” he would say, “you would probably take yours back,” and just as often, “It costs the same to be nice as it does to be lousy.”
At the time, they sounded simple, but as I have gotten older, I have realized how accurate they are. We tend to assume our struggles are heavier than everyone else’s, and we forget that kindness does not require any extra effort, special talent, or ideal circumstances. It is a choice we can make almost anytime, if we are paying attention.
Most of the time, we meet each other only at the surface level, in traffic, in checkout lines, in email threads, and on airplanes. We see behavior, but we do not see burdens. We hear tone, but we do not know the story behind it, and we react to moments without understanding context. That is why “be kind” is not some soft slogan. It requires discipline and self-control. It requires choosing patience when irritation would be easier, and it takes maturity to remember that the person in front of you might be doing the best they can on a very hard day.
Wearing that shirt has helped reinforce that perspective, and it also led me to learn more about the organization behind it, Til Valhalla Project. Their mission is to honor fallen military and first responder heroes by delivering personalized memorial plaques to their families while also raising funds to support mental health initiatives aimed at reducing veteran suicide. They serve families who have paid a price most of us will never fully understand, and knowing that gives the message even more weight.
Now, when I wear the shirt, it is not just something comfortable to throw on for a flight, but a string tied on my finger to slow down, to give people more grace than they probably deserve, and to assume less about what is going on in their lives. Remember, kindness is not weakness, but strength under control.
To be clear, I am still a work in progress. I still get impatient, I still get annoyed when technology fails or when people block doorways like they are guarding something sacred, and I still have moments where my internal commentary is not especially charitable, but the shirt keeps reminding me to do better and to remember that I do not know anyone’s full story.
So if you see me wearing it in an airport and I seem unusually calm, just know that it is not natural. It is coached, practiced, intentional, and I am still learning. BE KIND. It matters more than most of us realize.